Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Sudden burst of enthusiasm

Yesterday's post was very cathartic to me. It somehow cleared up some stuck energy and today I actually started and finished a whole craft project which included making a blanket that turns into a backback and has a pillow inside. You can read about it in my juggling blog if you are interested. It was so nice to have that much motivation on a day that was already scheduled with many mundane tasks. I don't know quite how it happened but I got twice as much done today as usual.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

A Pivotal Moment and Passion

Sometimes things said in jest can strike a chord. Today in a chat with music teacher Walt Ribeiro I said, "Where is that magic practice pill that you can take to get better faster." And he took a long time answering that. He said you have to be passionate about something, and the passion is the equivalent to a 'practice pill'. I'm paraphrasing. But say the piano and the guitar are equally hard to play, you are going to master the one you have the passion for.

So I started thinking about passion all day and I realize that while I had a passion for many things in my life over the years, I have lost a lot of that passion. What kills passion? Many things like not succeeding at a chosen career, gaining weight, non-supportive spouses, never getting your big break, poverty, apathy, shyness and so on. So if right now I immediately stopped doing anything and everything I don't have a burning passion for, I'm pretty sure there would be nothing left. And that is the saddest statement in the world. And I wouldn't worry too much if this was just a phase I was going through, but I've pretty much felt this way for the last five or more years. What if I feel this way the rest of my life? I think what feeds a passion is seeing success at what you are doing. Like if I'd actually mastered juggling five balls, or my paintings sold or if I'd ever had a cohesive belly dancing troupe, or if one of my books got published, then that would feed my passion. I feel like I've never mastered anything.

And I have the feeling there are a whole lot of people in that same boat, and it's sinking. Being passionate is like being in love. You can't force yourself to go there.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Tote Bag V Baggers

There's been a big media push to stop using plastic shopping bags. So I've been stocking up on totebags I dutifully took my tote bags into the grocery store. When I was focused on the cashier ringing up the right prices, the bagger was busy throwing everything into plastic bags. So I yelled down that I had my own. So she glares at me and puts the plastic bags into the tote bags, rather defeating the purpose.
When I walked out of the store it was raining. It looked like it would soon be worse so I scampered home. By the time I parked I could hear thunder.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Flying Rose

I haven't heard from my sister in a long time so I added her RSS feed from her previously very busy Stumbleupon account in the off chance I can make sure she is still alive and well.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Two cats

I have the first screen all set up and ready to print today. I’m so excited. My first design is two cats.

Success Feels Good

I’ve gotten to go to some archery events once or twice a month that include lots of walking and archery as well. I’m gone to an event with the Conejo Archers and another one with the Mohave Archers, and of course the monthly gatherings at the Arroyo in Pasedena with

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

I am a chaos generator

This guy that writes for Soulcast with the user name Silverwhisper posted a question about what our weird compulsive habits are. This was my reply to him.
"Silver sometimes you make me think so much my head hurts. I have a thing. I want to undo everyone else's 'things'. I would be the one going against traffic down the hall and using the left door. I'm the one that will face away from the elevator doors because I might be missing something if I face the same way as everyone else. I always want to go backstage instead of sit with the audience. And I want to unfold anything someone else has folded perfectly. The perfection bugs me. I want things to be random and wild like in nature. I plant flowers with my vegetables. I go to bed a different time each night. I drive a different route every chance I get. I want every day of my life to be completely different. My house is utter chaos, and I want it that way. Straightened rooms make me twitchy; like Martha Stewart has taken over. I even sleep on different ends of the bed as the mood strikes me. I don't know why I am this way. It is maddening to most other people".